bmoburns:

oomshi:

soup that tastes great is souper

may i interest you in a bowl of canned u not

(via cancerousmexicanfetusrapewhistle)

emilioestevez:

story time

so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times.

(via chickensandwich)

in 7th grade a teacher told us that if we ever want a part time job that we should get one at a golf course because that’s where all the rich men go and then she told us that’s how she met her rich boyfriend so i tell this to my mom every time she pressures me into getting a job and she thinks i’m kidding

i’m not.

genocidercyo:

clockey:

you’re the window to my wall

you’re the sweat that drips down my balls

(via inbox)

kill-natalie:

surimistick:

i was making a lot of mistakes and then my archery instructor said:

“you make mistakes because you’re focusing on the target and not on your actions”

and i was like woah

thanks for giving me the best life advice i’ve ever gotten

I just said “that’s brilliant” aloud.

(via healthy-routine)